New Year's Eve

So today's the last day of 2011.

What plans have you got for yourself?

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

Love is you.

Thoughts

*Disclaimer: Extremely wordy post

Society is a wicked place to live in and reality is most of the time, cruel.

Let's be real, we are all judged based on our looks rather than based on our personalities.

Currently, only society has the rights to deem what is attractive and what is not.

Guess what? Most of us ends up in loserville. 

Who doesn't want to be deem attractive? I'm sure all of you out there wants to be attractive, wants to feel attractive and wants to be deemed acceptable by society.

Sorry to burst your bubble but reality is cruel and the world will always be unfair.

There is just going to be that one person who looks way better than you do.

No matter how hard you try to make yourself look attractive and good looking, there's just that one person who's going to make you feel fucking inferior.

Let's talk about us girls. 

Sometimes, I really wonder. What's the deal with having big boobs and huge asses?

Why do we NEED BIG BOOBS AND HUGE ASSES?
To please men? To be deemed acceptable by society? 

For god's sake boobs and asses are just filled with fats!

Then tell me, why are fat girls generally not accepted by society when they are filled with fats themselves?

I'm not trying insult anyone here but do you get what I mean?

Not to mention having a pretty face is a must to be fucking deemed attractive.

Pretty face + Big boobs + Huge ass = Attractive?

Fuck society.

How about the rest of us that doesn't qualify?

What are we deemed as? UGLY OF COURSE. We can't help it if we look ugly can we? 

If we could, I'm sure all of us wants to look pretty, have big boobs and ass. 

We want to be attractive too you know? But like I've said, the world will never be fair. It's just whether you are born lucky or not.

Some of us are not born attractive. We can't help it. It's not like we don't want to be attractive, we just can't because we're born looking like that. 

So we try to make ourselves look and feel better by doing things like make-up, plastic surgery or botoxes and we get fucking blamed just because we want to be deemed acceptable by society?

What logic is this? Do we have to apologise for being ugly now? God.

 But then again, I'm just thankful for the people around me who still loves and accepts me for who I am.

I'll admit I'm not pretty or gorgeous or anything like that and yes, I do wish I was pretty and attractive but what can I do? I'm born this way. 

It is hard because criticisms are every fucking where, but I'm still trying to love and accept myself.

*

Sometimes, I long for someone who genuinely thinks I'm beautiful even when I'm barely there.

Even when society thinks otherwise.

Luv.

Zirca on friday.

Midnight movie on saturday.

Stay home sunday.

Best weekend ever.

Overdue pictures: 

X

Update

Hi. Did you miss me?

Feeling really lazy to update my life in this lifeless blog. As always.

I kinda have a fetish for quirky-looking spectacles like the one I'm wearing above.

Headed down town with Anna just last week. 

I haven't seen this girl for quite some time because sadly, we're in different class now and also, she's been partying almost every single week. Lucky bitch.

So anyway, my complexion is getting from worse to worst.

Just so you know, pictures are deceiving. Yes, I erased all the visible pimples out of this picture because they are as disgusting as hell.

I am not lying. Here's an original picture before editing: 

Compare the difference!

I don't understand how acne developed itself on my face in such a short period of time and it's fucking fucking fucking horrible.

This was taken during this year's June. Look at how clean my face was. Pimples free. No edits, no nothing. 

Because of my acne, I'm too depressed to even get out of my house and face the world. But I still did, unfortunately. It's not like I can give school a miss or give up my social life just because of my stupid acne.

I'd just never thought that this day would ever come but guess what? It fucking did. I'm thinking it's most probably karma for dissing others when they had acne as well. I bet their faces are squeaky clean now.

I feel sorry now.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this but at the very least, I'm being truthful and honest here with everyone.

I'm doing whatever I can to save my face right now and hopefully it recovers soon. 

Otherwise, I'm seeing a dermatologist.

X

Update

Huge ass picture of me in case you've missed me.

Okay so I know I haven't been blogging because I'm just so god damn lazy to.

Besides, my life is pretty boring and nothing interesting really ever happens to me.

Unless school is interesting to you.

Which I highly doubt so.

My life is very boring and mundane.

Everyday is a same routine for me unlike others whose lives always seem to be on a roller coaster ride.

I just wish that something pleasant could happen out of the blue. That would be nice.

Did I mention I went to the Esplanade last week?

Well, I went to the Esplanade with my boy friend and it was amazeballs.

Cliche but true, that night was just what I needed.

I can't wait to turn eighteen.

That's when I'll finally be granted access to basically, everything!

And that is when I can finally party legally.

I know my boy friend doesn't like the idea of it and some of my friends would definitely tell me to refrain from clubbing or what not but what are the chances of me being a hard core party goer right?

Everyone needs to have their share of fun before they hit a certain age. 

Life isn't all about studying, working and money you know? There's more to that.

Life is about everything:

Playing your hardest, giving in your best, cherishing everything, working your ass off, cursing that particular bitch and loving your fullest. 

Especially to those around you, to those that you cherish, to those that love you.

I love my boy friend. He is one hell of a great guy. I don't know what I have done to deserve someone like him but I am very grateful for having him in my life.

Right, too much blabber and it's time for me to hit the sack. 

Good night everybody!

Haven't been updating regularly again.

Laziness never fails to kick in.

Ozzy Osbourne inspired

Hello.

Officially a red head.

X

Hi, I know I haven't been updating this space for quite some time and I don't even know who reads my blog nowadays..........

Just to update, a lot of things has happened quite recently and let's just say, I'm almost hitting rock bottom.

And that's a reality check for me.

Negativity seems to be catching up on me and my days appear to be getting sadder and sadder as time passes.

Life pretty much sucks right now.

I hate how things are right now. And I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try, things don't seem to be getting any better.

I'm really trying to change here, but every time when you say or do something that triggers me, I can't help but revert to my old angsty self. What do you want me to do?

Side track, there's school tomorrow. Oh the agony of waking up early and walking that bloody 10 minutes distance under the unforgiving hot sun.

Good night all!

Field Trip: Vivo City

Pictures taken on the last field trip: Vivo City

Bonding in process.

:)

Change

Here's to a new change of skin.

It's not entirely done up though.

Field trip tomorrow, good night!

So much have changed hasn't it?

The sweetest became the bitterest.

Long talks became a mere ten-minutes chat.

Happy times becoming sadder and sadder.

What else? Perhaps me?

From being special to only, average?

Neoprints!

Still remember what neoprints are?

Well, they are these cute little pictures or stickers taken at those pretty-looking Japanese photo booths.

So anyway, Yong Xing and I decided to take neoprints since we have never done it together before.

Also, it has been a long ass time since I stepped into one of these booths.

The last time was probably during my secondary school years?

Aren't they really cute? :)

Heading out in about a few hours time.

In the mean time, I'm going to take a nap. Plus, it's raining cats and dogs so it's the perfect weather to sleep in!

x

Update

How time flies, I'm already through the third week of semester two.

My new class isn't that bad and I'm starting to warm up to my classmates.

Introducing some of the new faces.

Anyway, do I look fierce?

Cause one of my classmate's first impression of me was that.

Ok lemme just share with you the 2 very common first-impressions I've received so far.

1) I look like an ahlian/I'm an ahlian

2) My command of english is good

Honestly, I am NOT an ahlian.

I do not like the term "ahlian" and I certainly do not like the fact that I look like one.

I can't help looking like one because well, I can't change my appearance.

Maybe it's the way I dress that gives people the idea that I am one but seriously, I'm nowhere near being one.

-

Heading to Sentosa with my new class tomorrow although 1/2 of them are not able to join us.

Well, I'm hoping that through this mini outing, the class is able to bond more.

Seeing my boy tomorrow. I miss you babe!

A story of Love

Extracted from: http://ontherxcks.blogspot.com

“When I got home that night as... my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! 

I found this passage really meaningful.

Makes me wonder.

Happy birthday to me!

I'm officially 17! And about time!

My birthday was indeed, a blast.
A couple of my good friends came over and gave me a lovely surprise at midnight.
And of course, the mastermind behind all of these was none other than my dearest boy.
I feel so loved.

Thank you:

 @aahxing, @thonlythingg, @oreywaluffy, @quahzhengjie & randy

♥♥♥

-

Went to Zirca on Saturday and it was one hell of a night.

Drink, drank, drunk.

But it was fanfuckingtastic.

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes, I am genuinely thankful to each and everyone of you.
Most importantly, I want to thank you for making my birthday a really memorable one.
I love you :)

Wow. I'm just 1 hour away from hitting 17.

1 hour.

I'm still kept in the dark.
:(

Overdue pics

Overdue pictures taken @ Boat Quay and Yello Jello.

It was one hell of a night.

Marts couple!

Ain't we looking mighty fine down there! 

I literally meant down there.

If you haven't noticed, both of us have our Dr. Marts on!

♥

-

Anyway, it's finally October and semester one finally came to a halt. 

W47Q have officially officially officially disbanded.

Semester two started just yesterday and my first day of school pretty much sucked. 

I hate the fact that all of us have to go through this stupid transition every single term.

Perhaps some may like the change for god knows why but I for one, abhors it.

I miss my old class. Terribly.

I used to look forward to school because of W47Q. They were my motivation and reason for my presence in class. Loveliest bunch of people. Ever.

School will probably never be the same without them.

I love you, so very much.

My life seems much brighter with you in it :)

I don't know why but somehow, I managed to fuck everything up.

Everything went really wrong in just a mere ten minutes.

I never should have let you stayed up when I know you were extremely worn out.

The reason as to why I wanted you to stay up for just awhile is because I really miss talking on the phone with you. I missed those days where we stayed up till dawn talking on the phone just about anything and everything.

But now? We'd just run out of topics to talk about and this awkward silence just runs in between us.

I got really upset when you ended the call just like that. No "goodnight"s, no "I love you"s, no whatever.

You just brushed me off and hanged the call.

Did you know how hurtful that was? I know that wasn't intentional and I knew you were tired.

I just don't know why I got so upset, called you and fucked everything up.

I'm honestly sorry. I didn't mean for all that crap to happen at all.

I hate myself for being so selfish, for not being understanding enough, for making you angry.

Basically, I suck at being a good girl friend. For you.

I don't know how to face your family right now.

I honestly don't know how to face them in the future as well.

I guess they're really disappointed in me.

I'm fucking disappointed in myself as well.

I hope all's going to get better in time.

So. 

I should be in bed right now but obviously I'm not.

Not when I have countless thoughts running through my mind.

Good or bad, you decide.

I miss going for happy hours. Planning one with the girls real soon. 

Oh, maybe we're letting our guys in on the fun as well.

We'll see how things goes.

Just realised my posts are not getting any proper. God.

Utter disappointment.
Life is pretty screwed up right now.
I really want to get this phase over and done with.

I'm comfortably seated in my chair and secretly typing into this white space.
Okay so it's not much of a secret any more since I just mentioned it to well, the entire public.
So in case anyone that I might know and is currently working in the same company I'm working for, you did not read the top part. I so did not secretly blog and I so was working my ass off all along!

By right, I should be sorting and slotting in mails for the individual recipients right now but it's still kinda early. Haven't got much work done so far....
On the lighter note, I'm looking forward to lunch time because I can finally fill up my empty and annoying stomach.

Time check: 10:55 A.M

Nearly one hour has passed. Eight more hours to go!
Just thank God it's finally friday. That means, I can finally sleep in.
No wait, just remembered that I've got something up in the morning.
Oh fuck, there goes my saturday morning....

Back to work! xx

7th month

No matter what happens, I'll always always love you.

Happy belated 7th months baby! ♥

I'm crying as I'm typing this.

I know I sound like a terrible weak fuck but I can't fucking help it.

It feels like I just got my heart pierced a thousand times.

But you wouldn't care. Why would you?

I took my pride down to apologise, to plead, but you seemed to feel nothing but nonchalant.

I hate to say this, but it seems like you've changed.

You've changed to someone that I don't recognise anymore.

The things you've said, stung my heart so badly.

I didn't know I was so lousy in your eyes.

Do you know how much I love you? But do you even reciprocate those feelings?

Appreciation post

I don't know how I even came down to doing this post but since I've already started, I might as well continue.

To my best friends:

Aniqq/Wendy/Putri/Emily/Dansen/Suf

Thank you for always ALWAYS being there for me whenever I need you.

Time really flies and we are all on our way to various destinations in life. 

And although we may lead very different lives now, I just want to let you know that you and the memories we shared be it the happy or sad times, they will never ever be forgotten. 

"There are moments in my life that I’ll always remember, not because they were important, but because you were there."

Remember that. Just a reminder, that if you ever need someone by your side, I'm here for you just like how you were there for me. 

P.S Actually, I wanted to dedicate a small paragraph for each of you but I'm... actually rushing for time.

And this probably wouldn't have sounded as sincere but whatever that I have written here, they are from the bottom of my heart.

P.P.S I love you guys!

-

To my girls:

Anna/Natalie/Carol/Qingyun/Theresa/Ledia

I am rather fortunate to have met the 6 of you and I am starting to think all of you are God-sent. 

Even though we have only known each other for about half a year, but it feels like we have known each other for a very long time.

Anna's wicked laughter, Natalie's awesomeness, Carol's lovely hugs, Qingyun's protectiveness, Theresa's talkativeness and Ledia's love for pasta.

I'll miss you girls, I'll really do. Even though we are heading to separate classes next semester, I hope we can still meet up regularly to catch up with one another.

Cheers to a wonderful (and naughty) friendship! 

-

To you:

Hi, are you surprised to see this? I'm guessing you are.......

You know, actually I was kinda disappointed in you. To be honest, I was rather upset with you this morning.

I was waiting for your text as I drifted in and out of sleep this morning. I guess I expected too much huh.. After all, it was just a good morning text I was waiting for.

To top it off, my period came and my mood got even worse. So.... I just want to apologise for my attitude and the way I talked to you. I hope you didn't take it to heart.

I know things between us right now isn't very good and I hate how we are right now.

I'm sorry for that, I truly am.

By the way, it's not revenge I'm after. I just need to take my mind off you for just awhile because sometimes it hurts too much.

I love you, and I'll always do.

Picnic!

Where would you go or what would you plan for an outing if you and your bunch of friends are broke?

HAVE A PICNIC.

Yep, that's what us girls did! We organised a picnic at Marina Barrage and each of us were required to bring and contribute any food item(s) of our choice. I brought dumplings! :)

Basically, the turn out for the picnic was great! Had heart-to-heart talks with the girls and did a lot of camwhoring.

Although it was just a picnic, but I enjoyed myself thoroughly. 

A cheap but meaningful day out with my dear girls!

Looking forward to more meet ups with them :)

xoxo